i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
