Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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