i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
