I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
