why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
