oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
