i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
