if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
