So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
