Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Alive.
So much puke
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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