so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
