I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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