Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
