They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
