Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
