i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
