I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Someone signed my nipple.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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