FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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