I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
