got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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