i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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