Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
