i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize