Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
