By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize