How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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