i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
