woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
