I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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