its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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