I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
