I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
