Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
