he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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