connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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