I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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