I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
