I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
