I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
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You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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