I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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