Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i wish my penis had a tongue
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
