Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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