You can't motorboat a personality
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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