Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
