i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
