Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
