i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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