It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
