saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
