these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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