I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
