Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
