If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
