I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize