i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
