I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
