Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
