OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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