tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
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Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
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Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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