how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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