just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
