From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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