My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
