More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
