can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize