Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
