last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
