You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
