I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
