im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
