i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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