I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just google imaged poop.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
