We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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